Onward with the journey

Here, there and everywhere. Friends, the last few months have been a whirlwind experience. If my experiences were a rollercoaster ride, it would not be found at Disneyland but you would come off of it floored with dizziness!

Figuring out how to articulate ALL this season of life has entailed is not necessarily overwhelming but it does require thought, lots of thought. Yet I’m determined to document this season of change. For my sake but also for truth’s sake.

I want to remember these last few months vividly, least I forget. For in this season I have learned brokenness, freedom, authenticity, repentance and forgiveness. I felt deeper joy, deeper suffering, deeper love, and I have got myself some deeper friendships. I better know grace and mercy. I better know what it is to experience restoration, redemption, and even resurrection! I desire to keep these outcomes fresh in my heart, mind and soul.

The painful outcomes however will be difficult to recall but I want to keep these fresh too, least I forget. For in this season I also learned about flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks and post-traumatic stress disorder. I felt deeper rage, deeper despair, deeper agony and how is this for dark, at times I felt like life was literally being choked from me. I know sorrow, I know the pain and devastation of betrayal and abandonment. I better know what “religious” looks like, what rejection looks like, what shame is.

Should another share with me their life’s encounter with these emotions, these experiences, I want it to evoke empathy. This way I can say, truly and honestly, "I understand what you are going through." For nothing would have sounded sweeter to me in this season than the words “I understand.” I think those two words are mighty great at obliterating loneliness and inviting relationship.

In an attempt to muddle the giganticness of sex abuse, I introduced and entwined my own experience with topics such as marriage and ADHD. In hindsight, I can’t believe that was the best approach I could come up with but what can you really do to change the past with hindsight? I’m pressing on with much less muddle along the way. I may revisit the distant past with more clarity and detail, I may not. I will however, be speaking from here on out about healing from childhood sex abuse as an adult. Woohoo! I’m excited for this.

So onward with the journey!